I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
