who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
