P.S. I can't hear my feet
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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