Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize
