I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
