did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
