Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
