Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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