Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
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constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
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Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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