some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
