So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
