If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
