Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
