sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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