i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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