i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sorry about my life...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
