Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
