If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Who died my cat blue again?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
