I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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