I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
