just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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