I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
