kristin has been a bad kristin
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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