Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
