porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
