The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
