I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
