Im at strip club and am horny
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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