I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
