My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I deserve this hangover.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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