I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
