In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
