He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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