My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
