And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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