She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
