if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
