Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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