you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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