Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
