the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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