Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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