Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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