She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
