I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize