Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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