Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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