We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
