Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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