Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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