I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
NoShamevember. You game?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
