so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
