She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
