i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
