the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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