I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
