We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
