I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
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I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
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I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I have aggressive nipples.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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