My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
