Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
