I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
