Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
