god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
