I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
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I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
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I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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